For Your Own Good: The Roots of Violence in Childrearing, Alice Miller, translated by Hildegarde & Hunter Hannum, 1983. Though published in the early eighties and based on German studies and data, Millers discussion and theories seem incredibly relevant to current violence and childrearing in the United States. She argues that the centuries old “poisonous pedagogies,” which is any ideology which proports the correct way to raise children, and which includes mental, verbal and physical abuse, should be confronted and abolished. Basically, she suggests that there is a great deal of cruelty in parent and child relationships with the child always being the one to suffer the greatest as they are so less powerful than the parent. She explains through the concept of “unconscious repetition compulsion” that parents simply repeat the parenting they received and because they most likely suffered a cruel childhood, they continue the legacy of cruelty. The first half on the book includes a presentation of her data and her theories and the second half includes three lengthy case studies which illustrate how violence, toward oneself or others, can be understood by looking at the perpetrator’s childhood.
One aspect of her argument I appreciate is her discussion of evil and what we generally refer to as “inhuman” behavior, or as popular in the US, a problem of “mental illness.” Miller suggests that we would be better to recognize “that human being and beast do not exclude each other.” This is striking to me because we often write things off we cannot understand, vicious violence or cruelty, as evil and therefore out of our control. Only by accepting that humans are capable of incredible cruelty are we prepared to do something constructive about the problem.
How For Your Own Good: The Roots of Violence in Childrearing informs my writing.
I chose this work of nonfiction in conjunction with the research I am conducting for the novel I am writing. Specifically, I was considering the hatred and anger, and the concomitant cruelty, that individuals in the current administration and many of their supporters exhibit on a daily basis. I wondered what experiences they may have suffered to leave them with such anger. I ran across this book and thought it might help me answer this question. Miller addresses the issue directly and the information is helpful in creating my character studies, not just for my cruel characters but also for the characters of a more gentle nature.
Upon concluding this book I took a look back on some of my published short stories and realized I had previously dealt with the same issues, though perhaps not as directly as I could have. Specifically in my story Owning Scars, first published by The Write Launch and available at their website, but also in my collection, Not So You’d Notice available at Amazon. Unknowingly, I used the concept of repetition compulsion to present a man coming to understand and regret his cruel behavior towards his siblings, a behavior he learned from his parents and his peers. Likewise, my story Idle Hillpresents a misunderstood young man whose father utilized poisonous pedagogies (without my knowing it at the time) and finds the only solution to his unhappiness is through self-destruction. Idle Hill was first published by Synkroniciti and is available in the same story collection.
Overall, For Your Own Good stands as a great information source for creating backstory for fictional characters to help them be more believable and to explain their seemingly cruel behaviors. Beyond fiction though, it stands as a wonderful resource as I explore and tell my own story, attempt to understand why I do some of the things that I do, and come to terms with the cruelty I endured in childhood.
